Food Review: Arctic Zero Ice Cream

Let me start off by saying that I'm sincerely embarrassed by the state that my blog is in BUT, I do have a legitimate excuse. See, the boyfriend (you may know him as Sam "Stupidface" Gimbel) and I have been apartment hunting since the end of July and finally found a place late last week. If you've never apartment-hunted in New York...DON'T. I cannot stress this enough. I would rather spoon with Miley Cyrus or poop only in empty Poland Spring water bottles for an entire year than ever have to deal with New York apartment-hunting again. Sam and I plan on writing a team post about the experience so stay tuned.

Naturally, the past week I have used my free time to scour Craigslist for a replacement roommate in my current apartment and drink all the champagne and eat all the cheeseburgers in celebration of our new place. That, and troll the decor and DIY section of Pinterest and come up with zany ideas for the new place like a table made out of vintage rulers and mason jar chandeliers and shit. Our new place is in Park Slope, Brooklyn and it's majestic. I would give you all of the boring details on what trains are nearby (2, 3, 4, 5, A, C, B, D, G, N, R, Q, AKA ALL OF THEM) and how delicious bagels are also nearby (Bergen Bagels hollaaaaaaaaa), but I don't think that will impress any of you non-New Yorkers. Universally impressing is that there is a Target a stone's throw from our apartment and that we have our own private backyard that looks like this:

The wooden planters are being left for us but the Great Dane, unfortunately,  is not.

But I digress. I also apologize for all the bullshitting, belly-aching, and bragging...and alliteration. I hope you can take a couple paragraphs solely about ice cream as compensation for sifting through my nonsense. I discovered this ice cream on Tumblr, where it said very clearly on the container that it only had 150 calories PER PINT. Being someone who is figure-conscious but also loves to eat horrible food, I was immediately turned-on (not sexually...OK a little bit sexually). I made a stop at Whole Foods one rainy day on my way home from work and picked up some of the ice cream in chocolate and strawberry. I finished them within the next couple of days, GUILT FREE, and bought some more flavors (mint chocolate cookie, coffee, and vanilla maple).

Look at all of the choices!

I must say that the strawberry, vanilla maple, and coffee were by far my favorites, but I'm also not a huge chocolate person. They don't taste like full-fat ice creams and if you expect them to well, then, you're kind of stupid. These ice creams are, again, 150 calories PER PINT. You can eat the whole thing with the same amount of trepidation as you would exercise eating a cucumber wrap. Of course some of the flavor will be lost with the calorie cut, but if you ask me, it's well worth it. The ice cream is a nice, smooth, consistency and the flavors are true to form. In my opinion, the strawberry tastes like strawberry milk and the chocolate tastes like a fudgesicle (and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries). OM NOM NOM. The ingredient list also isn't long and foreboding like some other, more processed, ice creams:

INGREDIENTS: PURIFIED WATER, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, ORGANIC CANE SUGAR, CHICORY ROOT, GUAR GUM, XANTHAM GUM, NATURAL FLAVORS, SEA SALT, ORGANIC MONK FRUIT.

Woops! The cat is out of the bag. This ice cream is also diary-free. Lactose intolerant readers just peed their pants with joy across the globe.

But furrealz, this stuff is pretty good. That being said, it's also not the best ice cream I've ever had. That also being said, The only foods I don't like are olives and cilantro (And I'll still eat them anyway, folks. Why? Because they're edible and I'm gross). Taking those facts into account, this ice cream might be disgusting. Who're you going to trust though: your own instincts or me in a face mask eating Arctic Zero?:

The choice is yours...