Who I Want to Be When I Grow Up

This was going to be the title of my next post, but I have crippling writer's block, people. I mean, all I had in the body of that post was this:

"A man or Buffy Summers."

What I do when I'm not writing. Don't cross me.

Unacceptable. Some of my other notable and unsuccessful post ideas include "Looking Up Your Middle School Crush On Facebook: A Lesson in Abstinence" and "More About How I Don't Ever Wash My Hair." Now here I am trying to think of an amusing anecdote or anything at all to tell you guys so that I don't become the next Hyperbole and a Half and disappear off of the face of the internet for months at a time. So far this month I've been busy mediating fights between my boyfriend and my mom (to Sam's credit, she said she didn't believe in sexism like it was some sort of whimsical fairy from a children's story), shooting guns, trying to figure out whether Lana Del Rey is incredibly sexy or hideously ugly, getting new eyeglasses, making endless sodas with my new Sodastream, not doing my taxes, and occasionally slut-shaming my cat in a seemingly-friendly voice because she doesn't know the difference and it is HILARIOUS. I guess that explains why I've been so busy (not really though at all).

Watch out, Selleck.

I can't even think of a cool story. That's how useless I am right now. Or maybe I just got distracted because my coworker gave me some squishy foam stuff and I can't stop playing with it/wearing it like a mustache. Remember jamming Gak into its plastic container in order to make farting noises? Oh, the finer things in life. I'm also listening to Edith Piaf on Rdio which makes playing with the foam stuff very dramatic and retro.

Anyway, I don't really have much more to say but I didn't want you guys to think I had forgotten that I have a blog so here's this half-assed, uninspired post. I'm going to end it by posting pictures of the dresses I decided to buy from ASOS and Forever 21. In my defense, they were having a sale and so all 11 of these dresses were under $200. I'm not sure why I needed a dress in every color of the rainbow, BUT I DID (except orange, please help me find a cute orange dress). I guess this is how you can look like a Zooey Deschanel/Charlotte Charles/The Wiggles hybrid on a budget? Also, have I ever told you guys my aspirations of becoming the 5th Wiggle? It's about time they had a lady Wiggle, if you ask me. Consider this my audition, you colorful Aussie magicians.